Nina
Nina, with nostalgic enthusiasm, dragged out her scrapbooks and photo albums from her closet. We were giggling and laughing as we poured over the memoirs of her life from the age six and on. Many of the photos were of Nina and I as she was my dearest friend. Nina, at the age of seven, befriended me when I moved to the new school. Because of my shy nature during that time, she was my only friend. That friendship endured the test of 30 years of time, the distance of two different cities and the many challenges that two adventurous girls can become involved in. I was visiting Nina a few days before her surgery. This surgery was to repair damage her lungs suffered from Chemo treatments done 15 years earlier. As we shared our times together, I recognized Nina was preparing for death. I asked her to what extent were the dangers of the surgery. She denied any concern saying that it was a simple procedure that had been done on TB patients in the 1940’s.
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So I set aside my strong reservations remembering the strength and courage the younger woman of 21 had when she faced cancer of her lymph glands so long ago. At that time before surgeries and the subsequent treatments, she would play and sing along with the Billy Joel hit, "Only the Good Die Young". It became her battle cry and gave her courage. As I was leaving Nina’s home in what was to be the last time I would ever see her alive, she said a strange thing that was out of context to what we had been talking about. Nina said, "If I could live my life over, I would have done things differently. Even if it meant not having my children, whom I love dearly, I would have lived my life."
The day of her surgery, I heard the song, "Only the Good Die Young". I tried reaching Nina, knowing that somehow it was important for her to remember this song. I was too late in reaching her; she was being prepped for surgery. Nina died four days later. She said she was tired and the suffering was too great. The she closed her eyes and died. I have contemplated her last words to me over the last several years because I know they contain such clarity of wisdom that only those who are at the portal of death have access to.
Initially, I understood her to mean, that she like so many, live a life for the approval of others or buy into the deception of what others say will bring us happiness. There is truth in this understanding. Recently, though, remembering her words while I was driving, it became so clear. Many of us continue to reside in the stage of development where we are always trying to make things happen. We strive, manipulate and push to get
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